Losing again?

I hate this kind of game.  I never win.  Always battling, never winning.

I am dreamer…

These days are never been easy for me.  My emotions takes into this level I can’t even define.  Frustrations keep coming.  Sadness is taking its place.  The only way that can calm me down is reaching out to HIM.  He never fails me. HE makes me feel like I’m HIS favorite.  That is when I find my own peace helping me sort things out in my mind.

My life is a big secret.  It was never easy to handle.  But I always find a way to make my days a normal one.  Whenever life is fvcking me so hard, I cry, curse myself, stop, pray and be happy again.  I am trying to help myself to be strong every day, finding good things in my chaotic situation.  And I succeeded most of the time. 

I suck at love.  Why I keep on holding to this one man, where so many is waiting for me.  I’m not boasting, I’m just being honest at this part.  How I wish I will fall in love to someone else.  But that’s not the case.  I love him so deeply, been in love with him for the past nine years and every day my love for him is getting stronger. I fall in love every day with the same man.  I know he loves me, but that’s not the problem.  Anyway, let’s move on. 

Diversion is something I’m not good at, but striving harder.  Instead of meddling with my miserable life I find myself trying to focus on things I wanted to do.  I was born a dreamer.  I love to dream.  It keeps me alive.  I am an accountant, but I know I was born to be an artist.  Fashion is my passion.  I know it’s never too late to do the things I wanted.  And so I enrolled to a fashion school.  Secondly, I love music, playing drums is another favorite.  But I never tried it, and just the other day, I wake up made up to learn the guitar.  I’ve been seeing signs of the guitar thing.  And so I decided to buy a guitar soon.  I’m actually hesitant of buying a guitar, because I spent a lot in the previous months, setting up my work station at home, for fashion dresses.  I suck at drawing too,but I don’t care, I know I’m good in making patterns.  Will be posting some of my designs soon, but then again back to the guitar story, why would I delay buying the guitar?  Life is too short, so might as well do the things you wanted.

Keeping my hopes high, my momentum always at its peak and…faith keep going

Decluterring things in my mind is never an easy task for me. i get easily destructed, my emotions are always dominant, keeping me out of focus. So many things I wanted to do, but never will I say “I have so little time”. I will never complain about the time thing. It’s not actually the time given but the life given to us. How are we going to manage it and make this complicated yet exciting life worth living. I failed like a hundred times and still keep moving.

Keep moving. My mind is in chaotic situation. I have things I wanted to do. Not that I haven’t started it, I did. I’m just a little confused plus the external forces that affect my plans. We will say, “Do not allow others to ruin your plans”, but that is not the case, of course who would want someone messing up with their brilliant ideas?

Funny it may seem, I don’t know where this blog is taking me. Confusing right? That is how things running in my mind. But at the end of the day, though it’s really hard, I know what I wanted and I have ways for it. Some things may be keeping me slower but making me alive and happy at the same time. I will keep my momentum and hopes at its places and will remove some unnecessary thinking. Faith never left me. FOCUS… is the most abused word for me. But then again, having this strong feeling that life will favors me…


Wanna go to different places in my country (with fam or friends or him or even alone)
Wanna play the drums ( wanna do this really!)
Wanna party like yeah ( can be)
Wanna dress up (it’s fun being a girl)
Wanna live while I can
Wanna wear string bikinis ( hahaha, not happening!)
Wanna drive
Wanna swim
Wanna run
Wanna break some rules
Wanna finished my preparatory class soon!
Wanna enroll for secondary classes (hopeful)
Wanna set up my work shop / work room (do this na! stop procrastinating!)
Wanna dance
Wanna make different dresses for different occasions
Wanna design shoes
Wanna write the “Story of Us”
Wanna have my fashion blog soon
Wanna visit more coffee shops
Wanna take pictures
Wanna do everything I want
Wanna wake up
Wanna go back to work now! Haha

Almost Empty

In no mood of everything today, this pain is here again.  Why is that I always need to give and understand? It feels like hell.  Can’t you feel that? Did you ever feel that?

My patience jar is almost empty… but my love for you will always be more than my heart can fill in…

This shit sucks.

You’re making me cry and someone makes me smile…

stupid feeling :(

feeling so left out, forgotten, betrayed.

I can do this!

It’s a hot Monday morning and I ruined my office uniform already.

Ohh Lord, please guide me today, been feeling a little stressed already. Just checked my emails and read an email from our client, and it’s actually a slight complaint. And that makes me feel sad.

Anyway, I have to focus now…

Bye for now :)

Reblog / posted 2 years ago with 1 note